{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"21289701","dateCreated":"1268144093","smartDate":"Mar 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"michelleli","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/michelleli","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21289701"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I'm not sure if this will even count but...
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\nLynn, as always, your paper was really well put! I will say that some parts could have been more straight forward. I know your writing style well enough, but there were times when I needed to put a lot of effort just to follow along. Your word choice and overall structure of the paper was nice. The topic came quite abrupt to me since I was not aware of these ideas--maybe you could have more explanations towards the beginning...Overall, great work :)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21279379","dateCreated":"1268113966","smartDate":"Mar 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"alexlsong","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/alexlsong","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21279379"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"Good job overall.
\nI just remembered to post this, and hope you're not done already.
\nFor your essay, i really liked your choice of words and others, but I think you can condense your thoughts down and have more straightforward organization, rather than twisting it because existentialism(hope it's correct) is quite hard to understand and it can throw many people ,including me, off if the organization isn't superlogic. So, i think organization and thesis should be worked on.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21197887","dateCreated":"1267993064","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"laurenleee","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/laurenleee","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1202793136\/laurenleee-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21197887"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lauren's comment : )","description":"Hello Lynn : )
\nFirst of all, I would like to say that I really like the overall thesis as well as your explanation about existentialism. I honestly heard it for the first time but I quite understood it. (I think ;) )
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\nI think you also did well in incorporating the outside critiques along with your story. I think there could be improvements in connecting it with your novels though. The thesis seems to show more possibility of in- depth analysis that could be tied back to your novels.
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\nI also think transitions will definitely help the essay flow better. The tie between the paragraphs are tiny bit weak right now but that would be because it\u2019s only 4 pages of the whole essay. : )
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\nAs I also mentioned in class, I think there should be more explanation or connection among Camus, existentialism, and absurdism. All three of them are quite well explained separately but I just think that it would be fabulous if they could support each other towards a better thesis support overall.
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\nI really love your diction and syntax as well as your overall idea. Keep working on it and lovely essay!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21188299","dateCreated":"1267965139","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"lindsaylee","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/lindsaylee","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21188299"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lindsay's comment","description":"Hi Lynn.
\nHonestly, I gotta say that I really like your paper and wish I had an interesting topic as yours. Despite the various ideas that you have, the organization is pretty clear and well organized.
\nJust a couple of things to keep in mind though: 1. you might want to cut down some of your fabulous points because it draws "out" the readers' attention 2. recheck your in-text citation-I believe you switched the order of the page number and the author 3. have your transitioning paragraph complete :)
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\nWell done overall!
\nLynn never disappoints us.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21188051","dateCreated":"1267962985","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"sarahjang","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/sarahjang","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222755549\/sarahjang-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21188051"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Hey Lynn:)","description":"Overall, I think you had a wonderful organization. The way you broke down each paragraph was really great. I had some hard time understanding what the essay was focusing on, though. I know you mentioned that you had two things that you wanted to focus on, so I think maybe it's partially because your thesis has two topics. Since this is only a first draft, I think working on transitions and really developing on your thesis will make an even better essay:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21187549","dateCreated":"1267959867","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"jasoncho92","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jasoncho92","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21187549"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"critique","description":"I need to first write that you incorporate quotes well into your writing.
\n
\nAnother thing that stuck out at me was the continuous switching back and forth from absurdism and existentialism. It was somewhat confusing having the two interchanged so often and for me personally, it would be better if they were separated a bit more clearly.
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\nAlso, I'm not sure if I'm remembering incorrectly, but your in-text citations need to be a little different. Instead of (41 Camus), it needs to be (Camus 41).
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\nI just read Yongmin's critique and I sort of agree with his idea that a topic like this should have some sort of weird twist to draw the reader in. It's not too interesting of a topic so throwing in something exciting would make it stand out more.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21186331","dateCreated":"1267949774","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Jessica_Y","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Jessica_Y","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21186331"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Your Essay","description":"One of the things I really admire in your essay is how it flows from the introduction in the second paragraph into the summary. Your writing style there seems very natural. You draw in details from the book AS you make your arguments and don't isolate them. I could say the same for your in-text citations--they naturally supplement your analysis and aren't awkwardly shoved into the essay.
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\nHowever, parts of your analysis seem to confuse me. I know you're probably still in the process of forming your ideas...but some areas I felt needed more clarifying: what do you mean by "Camus' new sense of existentialism"? Is it the challenge of defeating our hostile world? If so, then what does that last scene you give us indicate? Is it that we must overcome suffering? This may be because I have not read the book, but it would be great if you could somehow clarify these questions in your paper.
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\nAnd sorry to backtrack, but one of the quotes I felt most strongly contributed to your essay was the last line of the third page: "it helps men to rise above themselves" (Camus, 1960). But maybe you can provide a few more sentences elaborating on that idea before you introduce the block quote..this could perhaps clarify my questions :)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21186309","dateCreated":"1267949476","smartDate":"Mar 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"yongminc10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/yongminc10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21186309"},"dateDigested":1532170062,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"yongmin essay Workshop!","description":"Hey Lynn!
\nI think first off, you really did well in bringing in external criticisms and integrating them in your argument. Well, seeing that your whole thesis is based around the idea of existentialism, its easy to see that your paper is going to on some deep stuff - which is good.
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\nAs I said in class, I really think its interesting how you describe the evolution of Camus as a writer. And I think you do a good job of explaining the 'true' existentialism - that the philosophy is not only a vain and useless idea. You also introduce this concept of 'necessary evil,' and do a good job of relating that concept to his work.
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\nBut I also think that the concept of absurdism distrupts the flow of your paper a little bit. You've already introduced 2 philosophies that are integral to your argument, and throwing another one at us really is asking too much of the reader.
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\nI'll be honest. I dont really like how you started off your paper. I think a big factor in writing a paper like this is the 'shock' factor, and to me the intro paragraph reads pretty bland.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21182301","dateCreated":"1267928378","smartDate":"Mar 6, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"rachelrox","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/rachelrox","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21182301"},"dateDigested":1532170063,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lynn's Workshop","description":"Overall, the essay was very organized and I liked how your outside sources and books supported your points. I also liked how you were able to use quotations smoothly throughout the essay. But, I think the thesis could be clearer to the readers and (like you wrote down on your paper) there could be better transitions. Also, on the third page there seemed to be a lot of quotations in the first paragraph. But all in all, I liked the layout, the organization, your choice of words and quotations. Great job Lynn! :)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"21069685","dateCreated":"1267714997","smartDate":"Mar 4, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"yura","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/yura","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/kisapenglporter2009-10.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/21069685"},"dateDigested":1532170063,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lynn's Essay Workshop","description":"The organization is great in that you mention the philosophy of existentialism before going into your argument. This helps the readers because it provides background information about the philosophy embraced in your argument. However, as you wrote on your paper, some transitions were missing, which made some paragraphs hard to relate to the whole paper. Moreover, I wasn't sure if you were trying to focus on existentialism only or a comparison between that and absurdism.
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\nThe use of outside sources were abundant and useful,but I wish there were more information about the book or the author because at the end, I just learned about a philosophy rather than the book or the author. Overall, it's a great paper and I'm sure with a little more concentration on your thesis and a little more substantiation it'll be good :)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}