1. Look carefully at the following sentence. Does it work? If so, why? If not, where can the sentence be broken into two or shorter ones that are not overwhelming.
Robert Mondavi's father, Cesare, came from Sassafarento near Ancona, on the Adriatic coast of the Marches -- not a particularly rich or fertile part of Italy even now, nor, except for Verdicchio, much of a wine-growing region, and a good deal less so, no doubt, in 1883, when Cesare was born, the son of a large, simple family and possibly the first member of it, I have read somewhere, to be able to sign his name. -- by Cyril Ray "Robert Mondavi of the Napa Valley" This sentences seems to work until the part that reads "a good deal less so..." The part where 1883 is mentioned, the sentences seems to be a bit overwhelming. This sentence as a whole is a lot of words in one sentence, but it does make sense until this chosen part. If broken at "in 1883" into two sentences, this may make more sense.
2. Does this sentence work? If so, why? If not, please correct.
The typical teenage user of snuff is white, active, and athletic, and subjected to very heavy peer pressure. This sentence doesn't work because the word 'and' before 'subjected' not only breaks the flow of the series, but seems to make the phrase unrelated to the previous part of the sentence.
3. Same instructions -- The children gathered around the clown wishing for a balloon, angling for a smile, bowing before the childhood consumerism. There should be a comma after 'clown' in order to make this sentence work with the series presented in this sentence above. However, it still works, in a way, because of the structure itself.
Robert Mondavi's father, Cesare, came from Sassafarento near Ancona, on the Adriatic coast of the Marches -- not a particularly rich or fertile part of Italy even now, nor, except for Verdicchio, much of a wine-growing region, and a good deal less so, no doubt, in 1883, when Cesare was born, the son of a large, simple family and possibly the first member of it, I have read somewhere, to be able to sign his name. -- by Cyril Ray "Robert Mondavi of the Napa Valley"
This sentences seems to work until the part that reads "a good deal less so..." The part where 1883 is mentioned, the sentences seems to be a bit overwhelming. This sentence as a whole is a lot of words in one sentence, but it does make sense until this chosen part. If broken at "in 1883" into two sentences, this may make more sense.
2. Does this sentence work? If so, why? If not, please correct.
The typical teenage user of snuff is white, active, and athletic, and subjected to very heavy peer pressure.
This sentence doesn't work because the word 'and' before 'subjected' not only breaks the flow of the series, but seems to make the phrase unrelated to the previous part of the sentence.
3. Same instructions -- The children gathered around the clown wishing for a balloon, angling for a smile, bowing before the childhood consumerism.
There should be a comma after 'clown' in order to make this sentence work with the series presented in this sentence above. However, it still works, in a way, because of the structure itself.